Day 38

Today in my horribly long two and a half hour finance class I discovered I can feel two screws in my face. I was obviously really engaged in the lecture! I was just sitting there with my hands supporting my head because I'm lazy and was like "what the hell is that?" As I felt on each side of my nose there are DEFINITELY screws there hah. I thought I felt this a few weeks ago but I wasn't sure. Definitely screws. It feels really cool actually. I'm weird enough so I won't go around saying "Hey, do you want to feel the screws in my FACE?" I'll just keep it to myself I suppose.
It is kind of strange that they are up so high. But from what I have read, when your upper lip is cut, it is stretched basically up to your eyeballs. You like that??
I'll be sure to ask my surgeon next week at my appointment to confirm.

I have had some really long days this past week, and I can proudly say I'm not beyond exhausted like I typically always was before surgery. I sleep well and breathe well while doing it now and I feel good. Really, really good. It's 11 o'clock as I'm writing this and I've been up since 7 AM going full speed and I still feel great!
It's still painfully hard for me to wake up in the morning, but I think that's just me being allergic to any time that requires an alarm clock. Oh well.

Quick picture:

Five Weeks!

Today marks five weeks!

Not really anything new to report.
Tuesday was exactly one month from surgery, and the day I went back to school. It was a lonnnngg day. Wednesday wasn't bad, because I just had one 2 and a half hour class and then I was able to go home. And Thursday was another long day, plus I went back to work that evening. But it wasn't bad, everyone was happy to see me, and it was a good night. I think a break was much needed from work anyway, because I was so burned out.
I also think the extra talking is helping me get back to my normal not lispy self. Sometimes I think I sound so weird, but everyone tells me I sound the same to them. I don't know.

It's been more difficult for me to stay on top of my exercises lately, since I haven't been spending so much time at home. I wonder what people would think if I did them in class haha. I try to do them while driving but I like to sing every song on the radio too much :) But my mouth does open a little wider than it did a few days ago!

Still numb in the same parts of my lips, chin, and all of my upper gums.

Day Thirty!

I went to the oral surgeon today, and he was all smiles and excited about his work again haha.
He said I am progressing very well and look perfect!
He even said I can take off my elastics! I didn't think I would get to stop wearing them until a couple of more weeks! Or, I would at least have to wear them at night, like I have read other people doing.
But he said as long as my bite doesn't change they are off for good :)
Of course I am not convinced that my bite won't decide to be rebellious so I will be paying attention.
I talk a lot better without them! Good thing, because I start work this Thursday and saying "Sutherlin Nissan" 895729834 times a day offers many opportunities for lisps. Cute when you're 2. Not cute when you're almost 22.

He also said not to worry about that pain I have been feeling, because he thinks it may be from the elastics and we'll see how it is in 2 weeks. I also asked him about the tongue thrusting and he said those types of things he always notices after seeing patients several times, but he hasn't noticed that with me so I must not do it much. He said "someone like you" (is that bad? Don't answer that.) will think about it and pay attention to it and correct it. I'm still gonna remind the orthodontist about it and see what he thinks though!

I have to start doing more "exercises." I'm supposed to open my mouth as wide as possible without hurting, and hold it for 10 seconds. 10 sets of 10 reps. He said to continue my lip/smile exercises too.

He said to call my orthodontist to make an appointment for 2 weeks from now. And to come back to his office in 2 weeks. He also said that at that point (6 weeks post op) I can move into my regular diet and do you know what that means??? CHEESEBURGERS AND FRIES AND CHICKEN FINGERS AND FRONTERA. Okay. I'm insane. But really, after weeks of soft mushy food and soups and bullshit, I am ready for that stuff!

That's basically it. When we were leaving I remembered he didn't look in my nose like he usually does, and I forgot to ask if I'm allowed to blow it again. So I'll call the office in a few days and ask. But I mean, I'm not really dying to blow my nose or anything. Digging around with q tips gets the job done pretty well.

I start school again tomorrow. It will be a long day, but at least I don't have to start back to work until Thursday. After what I have been through for the past month, 18 hours of school and 20-26 hours of work each week doesn't seem so bad anymore.

Peridex has really stained my teeth, but I'm not too concerned right now. Crest whitestrips are in my future 6-9 months from now!

Day Twenty Nine

Today I think my nerves must be playing tricks on my teeth. Sometimes when I bite down on my left side, it feels really funny. Kinda like I'm biting into...aluminum foil? It's so strange. But if I touch it with my tongue and bite again, it feels normal.
I have regained some feeling in the roof of my mouth. I have feeling in the back half, toward my throat, and on the "edges" at that textured feeling part. But that's all. And my gums still have no feeling, along with my lip and right half of my chin that haven't changed.

I get random pains and pinches and tingles and other sensations in random parts of my lip, cheek, and roof of my mouth. It's just my nerves trying to figure stuff out again, and the pain isn't a big deal. It happens out of nowhere for a split second and it's gone before you realize it's there, so no need for any medicine.

I ate Olive Garden again today. Yes, it was amazing.

Tomorrow I go to the surgeon again for my check up, so I'll update then!

Day Twenty Eight!

It's been 4 weeks! So crazy how fast time passes!

Eating is a little easier. I chew stuff a little bit, then swallow. I basically live off oatmeal, beans and rice, and some type of pasta. Good thing I like that stuff a lot. But I can't help thinking about how delicious something CRUNCHY would be. Like some chicken fingers!
Watching my boyfriend eat Summits hot wings (the best wings in the universe) is like torture. But my black beans and jasmine rice wasn't too bad. And he is sweet and finds me the soggy blue cheese fries to eat :)
Special thanks to Aida and Ray who also pick through their food for the soggy stuff to feed me haha

My jaw started hurting in that spot by my chin again tonight. But I did SO much talking and eating today, I really wasn't surprised. Actually, it was probably just pissed because the Falcons were playing like a middle school team. Warm moist heat and popping some ibuprofen made it all better though.

Really nothing else new to report!

Day Twenty Six

Last night I remembered that my orthodontist told me at the beginning of my treatment that I am a "tongue thruster." Sounds like something a hooker does, right? Really it means that when I swallow, I push my tongue against the back of my teeth. Normal people put their tongue on the roof of their mouth when they swallow. Without braces, it causes the teeth to get pushed outward and stick out.This is another effect of thumb sucking, and bad orthodontic work when I was young. I went to an orthodontist at the age of seven, just as is suggested (a different one than I have now). But she didn't do the best work. There are several appliances and options that orthodontist could have done immediately, and there's a good chance I wouldn't have required surgery. In fact, there are several ways of controlling jaw growth in young children. Additionally, I could have gotten an appliance that breaks the habit of tongue thrusting, called a "crib appliance." Which would have been a lot easier to control, because I had only had the tongue thrusting habit for 7 years, rather than 21. Also, she didn't bother placing an appliance in my mouth to make me stop sucking my thumb until I was 10. Yes. Ten.Years.Old. In other words, too damn old. That should have been done the day I went to that stupid orthodontist. But, that's in the past and we didn't know any better, or know things would get to this point. Now all I can do is try to fix everything, and tell everyone and their mother not to go to her.
But I swear, if I have a kid that comes out sucking their thumb...we will break that habit on day one. I don't care how cute it is.
Anyway, as I was saying...my new, smart, perfectionist orthodontist informed us at the beginning of my treatment that I am a tongue thruster. Well last night I thought of that, but I couldn't remember what he said we were going to do about it, and I started getting so worried. I just don't want him to take my braces off later this year, and all this hard work and money goes down the drain. That would be the biggest disappointment there could possibly be. I'm not positive that my retainer will hold my teeth where they belong. I read online I could get the crib appliance and/or go to speech therapy to fix the habit and swallow how I'm supposed to, but he hasn't mentioned that. I don't know when I'll be going to the orthodontist again, but I'll definitely be talking about it with my surgeon Monday.
It's been all over my mind, and all I could think about so today my mom suggested we get out of the house because I was starting to think and worry way too much. That was such a great idea! We went to the mall for a little bit, and then went to Olive Garden. Wow it was soooo DELICIOUS! I figured their great salad would be too hard to eat so I opted for soup. I got the Chicken and Gnocchi soup and it was so good! I had two bowls haha. Then I got the Portabello Ravioli, because I knew I could cut it up easily and it's fantastic. And of course I couldn't resist Tiramisu for dessert. Yummy! I was so happy to have something different, and be out. And obviously my appetite has not been negatively impacted.
I'm so glad my mom saved me from insanity today and I got to get out, but not do too much. I guess now that I am looking more human I need to start getting out more to build up my energy.

Oh, and in other news...I got the okay to stop using Peridex today! One less step in my 3-4 times per day 10 minute brushing routine :)

Pictures from today:

Day Twenty Five

Not too much to update, but I am so relieved that the pain in my chin is finally gone, as of yesterday! On Monday morning I had a mini freak out, because there was more swelling than normal in the area where the pain was. I called my doctor, but he couldn't even get out of his driveway thanks to the snow so I had to just deal with it another day. He told me I could come in today though, but since it feels a lot better I think it's okay. Besides, I felt like that for nearly a week and have an appointment Monday anyway. I still think it looks funny, but I hope that's just because my cheeks are still a little swollen. I keep thinking "my face was never this chubby looking, RIGHT?" but maybe I am wrong.

I've decided I LOVE my bite. My teeth fit together and it feels so good! I mentioned a week or so ago that I didn't like the feeling. My teeth just felt so sensitive and like they were about to break/crumble when they touched. I don't know if anything actually changed with my teeth or if I just got used to it... But, I think I just got used to it. It's like my teeth were a little confused about why they could actually touch each other for the first time ever and got an attitude about it, but now they like where they are! Last night, part of my dinner were these fried potato things, and although I was cutting them with the fork into tiny pieces, I bit into a few of them just for the hell of it...because I can bite into stuff now! It was so cool! I think I might cry the day I can bite into a sandwich!

I wear my "elastics" religiously. They only come off when I eat and then I go rinse and brush and put them back on. I can tell they really help guide my muscles, because sometimes when they are off for eating, the muscle cramps and makes my bite feel a little off. But as soon as I put them on, it's perfect again.
You know how people say "I can do that in my sleep" when they've done something 2 million times? Well I can put my elastics on in my sleep, apparently. I BARELY remember waking up last night to my muscles cramping/hurting a little and I think I was like "I'll take these out for just a second." So I did. Then I went back into a coma immediately, because I really wasn't that awake to begin with. But when I woke up, they were on perfectly. I'm not sure what happened there, but I'm glad I didn't go an entire night without them.

I got lucky this week and didn't have to go to any of my classes because of the weather! It's funny to me how everyone is complaining about being stuck in the house for just the past couple of days and how crazy they are, when I have been in my house for the majority of 3 1/2 weeks! I am so thankful I didn't have to go to school this week though because even without ice, that commute would have been tiring, plus walking several blocks to everything, and the COLD. Oh my goodness it would have been so cold. Downtown, the wind blows like a hurricane between the tall buildings and my jaw does not like the cold at all. It kinda starts to shake and hurt a little, not fun. Not to mention, everything I do completely exhausts me, still. Obviously surgery makes you weak, and my body is still recovering from serious trauma to my face, so I always have to catch up on my rest the day after I do get out and do something. So I have to say I am veryyy happy to get an extra week of recovery before the stress of school!

Last night I was thinking about how I am supposed to be in braces 6-9 more months, and after what I have been through the past month, plus 10 months of braces....that seems like nothing! It's fun to think about not having braces in 6 months, but I'm not gonna count on it. It will probably be around 9 months and that's okay. I am so happy the worst parts, and the anticipation of surgery is over!

Three Weeks!

I feel like just the other day I was writing about it being two weeks since surgery and already it's been three. I can't believe that! Sometimes I get really frustrated because I am so impatient, but it has truly flown by. Wow.

I noticed today that I have regained almost all my feeling in my left cheek/under my eye/by my nose. Great!
My lips tingled a lot today in the numb spots and wowww did my chin hurt some more like it has been the past couple of days. I took four ibuprofen earlier (so it's like taking 1 of the 800mg tablets I was prescribed) and it seemed to take care of the pain most of the day, although it was uncomfortable at times. Although I still have no feeling there. And yes, my chin still looks very uneven, but I tried very hard to think about it a lot less today.

I'm so tired tonight because yesterday was a very long, fun day, and I did a lot of driving to visit my grandma today as well.

The slept-in makeup and tousled hair look:

My smile is bigger!

I don't know what happened to the picture of my left side profile, but I'll retake it and update it 

Day Twenty

I haven't updated in a few days, because not too much has been changing.
I can eat pretty much anything, as long as it's soft, so that's nice. I still imagine of the day I can bite into a big gross cheeseburger with tons of pickles and shove french fries in my mouth until I feel sick. That will be the day!

This morning I started experiencing a lot more pain than usual. Most of the time I don't feel much of any pain, except for a little discomfort after I wake up in the morning. But last night I started getting this "shooting" pain through my chin/jaw on the right side. I'm totally numb in that area, including my lip on that side, so I figured the nerves were starting to "wake up." When the nerves begin to heal and regain feeling, it's normal to feel pain. So I didn't worry much. But, this morning when I woke up, it hurt pretty damn bad every time I moved my mouth the slightest bit. I looked in the mirror and noticed that my chin in that area on the right is "dipped in" and curved a little more than the other side, and I totally lost my shit. I got so obsessed with it. I stared at it in the mirror for a good thirty minutes, poked, prodded, made faces, everything, to the point where I felt nauseous and faint from thinking about it and panicking. I know I'm a nut job, but If I were feeling just pain, I would deal with it and say it's just the nerves. If I was noticing just a little asymmetry, I would think "oh, that's just the swelling going down faster on this side than the other." But since I am having both pain and looking different than the other side, I just cannot stop thinking about it and imagining every single thing possible. I finally called my doctor, because he said to call him about anything. So there I was on the phone with my voice cracking because I was about to burst into tears and hysteria, trying to explain to him what I was seeing. He said exactly what I said earlier about the nerves waking up, and that's normal. But said he couldn't comment on my "curved chin" because he can't see it, obviously. He said if I am not seeing any new significant swelling, he can't imagine anything being wrong since I looked great last time, but if I would like, I can come in on Monday to have him look at it. I said "I'll see how the weekend goes" when I knew damn well I'd have my butt in there ASAP Monday. But it doesn't look like that will be happening either because we're supposed to be getting several inches of snow then. Hopefully I will be feeling better about this by then.

I continued with the day, and met Aida at Phipps where we looked at every single thing in Tiffany & Co. and died a little inside. I stared at myself in every mirror, and made her examine my chin and asked her about it 29542 times and what she thought. She thinks nothing is wrong and it's just the nerves healing and uneven swelling. So I called her a liar and said to tell me the truth haha. We then went to The High to see the magnificent Dali exhibit. WOWWWW. Ugh it was SO GREAT. What a psychotic, talented, genius (like me, haha just kidding. Sort of.) Art is just astounding to me. I feel fortunate for getting to see all of those works, especially "The Persistence of Memory!" ...Which is very small by the way. I know, you were thinking it's big, but no, it's little. We did a lot of walking, which wears me out easily now, but Aida and I had so much fun in there!

Then I went home and obsessively stared at myself in the mirror some more and nearly cried again and made myself sick, then decided I was insane and needed to get ready to go have date night with Aid. Of course he said "I don't really see what you're talking about" and I told him he's lying too. But he said that it looks like one side is just more swollen and it's making it look uneven and was really sweet and supportive! Our date nights have gotten a little less exciting and haven't been much more than seeing a movie since I can't go out to eat or do much, so we went to see True Grit, which was really good! Then I had a little mini breakdown in the car because that same area started hurting really bad and I was so frustrated with it and myself, but Aid made me feel better.

In addition to this crisis, I noticed my numb parts of my lips tingle a lot, so that is a good sign. Also, the left of my nose, on my cheek from my eyelid and down was totally numb but it seems to have some feeling coming back already. It also seems like the roof of my mouth is regaining feeling too because I feel these strange sensations from food when I'm eating sometimes. It doesn't feel like how it should, but it is starting to regain feeling. Yay!


I'm just going to try very hard to not worry and stress myself out over the uneven-ness anymore.

Early today:

Seems like I look a lot more swollen/chubby on the left side:

Tonight:

You can see the difference in my chin here.

Day Sixteen

I went to the oral surgeon again today for a check up and everything is great! I think it's so funny how excited my doctor gets after he looks in my mouth and up my nose. He's so proud of his work and how I'm healing.
This appointment was really quick. He just looked in my mouth, rinsed it with Peridex and updated his notes. He also changed my rubber band configuration again. The elastics are a little bigger, so they aren't as tight. I have that same triangle on the left side as before, and now it's on the right also. So I use two elastics instead of three now.
I've been obsessively worrying about my bite on my left side. It just doesn't feel the same as the right. The right side feels like the teeth fit together perfect and on the left it just seems off. Maybe it feels that way because those teeth aren't exactly where they need to be yet and that's why I have many months of braces ahead of me. The surgeon says my bite is "PERFECT!!" So maybe it's just me finding something to worry about, like always. But I spend so much time every day checking my bite and obsessively biting down  every couple of minutes while I'm watching tv to make sure it isn't changing. If I still feel unsure about it or it seems to change I'll call him. Every time I ask about something I'm concerned about he always has an answer and is always so calm and not worried about anything at all being wrong, so I guess I need to do the same.
He said to continue my soft food diet, and I don't have to come back for two weeks!
I'm also supposed to continue my exercises and he said to keep giving my smile time to return to normal. Ugh...time.
Eating is definitely getting better. I can chew a little more than I could last week. But when I'm done I have a mouthful of food stuck everywhere and have to clean it immediately. Actually, I started my 4th bottle of Peridex tonight haha. That seems like so much!!
I sound a little closer to normal when I talk, but I am not a fan of S's. I have an awesome lisp right now, and my mouth likes to spit everywhere sometimes. In fact I almost got my surgeon really good when he asked me something while looking in my mouth. I don't think he cares about spit and boogers and blood very much though.

I keep thinking about how Monday I have to go back to school. Yikes. It's going to be weird getting back into that routine after so much laying around the house the past few weeks.
I was thinking today that I'm glad I had to have surgery during this break, rather than summer. I originally planned to have this done last summer, but I had to have a palatal expander before braces and it set me back. I would have had more time to recover, but I would have missed out on a lot. The holidays were a little different, but I got to enjoy them as best as possible. Also, there isn't a lot to do in the winter time, but in the summer I have a million fun things to do.

Aid came over tonight and made me laugh an extra amount which made my mouth hurt again haha It feels so awesome to laugh and be happy, and then this crazy pain happens and all I can do is keep laughing and making it worse. I made lasagna yesterday because I thought it would be something different and yummy to eat. Plus, I was so bored and it takes all day to make. We ate that and then went to get ice cream, which I ate with a spoon and was kind of sad I couldn't eat my cone :(

I would do a lot of things for some sushi right now. Spicy tuna rolls sound so awesome. I definitely could never fit that in my mouth right now and eat it without choking and dying. I could possibly cut it up in little pieces, but that just goes against all the sushi rules. 

Picture from today:

Day Fourteen/New Year's Day

It's been two weeks! Sometimes I'm like, "Wow, two weeks already?" others I think "This is the longest two weeks of my life." But either way, I made it! I think I'll honor this day by saying good riddance to my eating syringes and throwing them away. I haven't used them in several days anyway.
I'm not sure how much I'll update from now on. It will be frequent, but maybe not every single day just because there isn't a lot of new stuff to tell. My swelling is going to go down verrrry slowly and my numbness is going to go away just as slow. I have to go back to the OS on Monday, so I will definitely update then, and any time something new happens or there are changes.
Today has been a day of eating! First, my boyfriend's sweet mom made chicken noodle soup and chicken with rice today and it was soo good! I love having something different to eat. Then I visited my grandpa's house where I ate with him and my dad and more family. And tonight my mom and I are having New Year's dinner too so maybe I'll get twice as much good luck and money from my New Year's collard greens and black eyed peas! Yumm! Eating has improved a little bit. It still takes quite a while to eat a meal but it's gotten a little easier.
I've been pretty tired today, so I've just been chilling on the couch that probably has a permanent imprint of my ass from sitting on it for 403256 hours. My jaw feels just a bit uncomfortable today. It doesn't really hurt, I think the muscle is just tired from all the laughing and screaming and singing and headbanging I did last night so it feels a little achy.

Here is me being lazy in slept in make up, still looking very swollen: